Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Zenpriest/Zed on Men's Anger

Anything by Zenpriest is always good, but I liked this one in particular---I have my own take already on hold, but instead of providing commentary, I'll just let this gem stand on it's own. It's something that certain readers are already familiar with, but it bares repeating.

And if anyone is still recently in touch with him, tell him that Chris/SR wishes him well, and that he's welcome to drop in any time, even if it's just in cyberspace.


Why are men so angry?

One of the most common men's issues I see discussed on NGs is men's anger. Everybody is obsessing about men's anger, characterizing it as uniting force among men - "male" anger, telling men how to manage it, and express it and suppress it.

What no one is doing is acknowledging WHAT IT IS that men are getting angry about. And every time some man brings up all the man bashing in the culture, or how shittily men are treated, everybody tries to "hush him up", so he gets angrier and keeps getting angrier until he feels like he has been HEARD or SEEN JUST AS HE IS. Instead, he keeps getting told how he "should" be and, even when the prescription is impossible or completely nuts, having people ANGRY AT him for living a life of reality rather than their fantasies of what they want him to be.

The anger you see in a man is directly proportional to the anger which he has absorbed over the years. Letting that anger out is essential to ever being able to let go of it and leave it behind. But it is very takes a very long time to learn how to be focussed and articulate with anger. It is a mature skill and takes lots of practice. It is something older men could teach younger men, except that younger men distrust older men these days.

Men are expressing a lot of anger these days. It comes from 25 years of having their collective character assassinated in the public consciousness. Men have been turned into criminals for trying to be good fathers. Everything has been turned upside down for them. Where they expected recognition and appreciation, they received blame and hatred.

The extent of men's anger can easily be seen in their withdrawal, not their violence. Boys are bailing out of schools because the schools hate boys so much. Men of all ages are quietly going against the impossible demands and expectations placed on them. Silencing them did not immobilize them and they have found ways to express that anger even if they couldn't win a semantic word game about how they expressed it vocally. They are expressing it by their absence.

The men still arguing with women are the ones still trying to reach understanding. They are the ones who still believe in women. The rest have quit talking to women completely. Or rather, they have quit listening to women while they rag on incessantly.

Anger is a natural reaction to a feeling of being attacked. Anyone who doesn't see how men are under attack every day just isn't looking. The cultural role and contributions of men have been "deconstructed" into rubble during the course of the past 30 years. Men have been tarred with the broad brush of "the enemy" and women have refused to let men be their allies. Everything men do has been under attack, and people still wonder why men are so angry. No one ever acknowledges that the culture decimates any man who quits doing that which the culture also ridicules them for doing.

The notion of benign intentions on the part of men has been replaced by universal suspicion of malice. The very valuable social asset of a reputation has been destroyed culture wide. The social fracturing which has resulted in migration of large percentages of the population into urban areas makes it harder to get to know people individually and leads directly to the formation and use of stereotypes. Social transgressions like lying, which would reflect so badly on an entire family with long standing social ties that the individual lives with an awareness that his/her actions can harm other people indirectly, go undetected when the only thing that people know of each other is what they see in front of them. The entire notion of internal controls of behavior, what one might call a sense of ethics, has been discredited by radical feminist theory.

Thus we have moved into an era where there are no ethics, no internalized cultural controls and substituted an massive snarl of government regulations and the much touted RULE of LAW. Except the laws are so incredibly biased against men that men have lost faith in the both the justice system and the government.

And when a man expresses anger about any of this, he is essentially told to shut up.

The more trapped a man is in situations which are eating him alive, the angrier he will be. The more verbal abuse and criticism he takes for his efforts, the angrier he will be. The more he has had his own needs used to manipulate and exploit him, the angrier he will be. The more condesending bullshit he has had to put up with from women, the angrier he will be.

The key to resolving the anger which comes from being under attack is to take oneself out of the line of fire, if possible. If you are not called upon to do battle several times per day, over time the battle reflex will die away. All the arguing with women is counter-productive in two ways. First, it just keeps the frustration level high because the arguments fall into such stereotyped patterns. Second, it reinforces the stereotype of angry men which women already have.

A better solution is turning one's back on the source of the anger. Anger is like an animal that needs to be fed. It is far easier than most people realize to starve it to death. At a certain point of not being heard, it is best to unhook from the attempt and accept the fact that this other person is simply never going to accept the truth about you. Cut that person loose immediately.

This is not to say don't speak out. When someone says or does something incredibly offensive to you, point it out and point out how obnoxious it was. DON'T get into an argument over the other person's "right" to have done it. They will always feel righteously justified in their bigotry.

But, speak out and then turn your back. Don't waste your time on these people.

Don't try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time. And it ANNOYS the pig.

Friday, November 14, 2008

Something of Importance from Another Blog

There is a wealth of good posts from bloggers on the 'Net that I enjoy, but I rarely re-post them because my own blog would probably been choked up numerous works. Still, there are times that posts like this should be passed around.

I have to thank Kim at Equal But Different for her true compassion for men and even moving a cynic like myself to promote it, even if she was not satisfied that it was as good as she wanted it. I wish there were more women like you.

And don't worry, it's good enough.

Imagine what must it be like to be a man in today's society.

I want everyone to take the time to ponder that.

What must it be like to be a little boy? An innocent, sweet full of love and joy. Of course, that love and joy must fade into insecurity and self hatred when you go to school and are treated differently because you're a boy, when you're expected to behave differently, better, toward the little girls while they're allowed to treat you any way they choose and you must simply endure it because they are girls and you are a boy.

Imagine what it must be like to be a little boy who's father, his hero, is made to leave the home when Mommy files for divorce. You know that your father is who you're most like, the person you emulate and hope to grow up to be like.....the person Mommy has renamed *sshole, screams at on the phone and says horrible things about to her family and friends.

Imagine what it must be like to be that sweet, innocent boy and to be subjected to a constant stream of negative images and portrayals of men, knowing all the while that a man is precisely what you'll grow up to be.

Imagine what it must be like to be a teenage boy. You go to high school and college and all you see and hear are rape statistics and how boys and men are dangerous predators. The father you sorely need has been alienated from you for many years. He tried and tried but Mom made things as difficult as possible and now your relationship is awkward at best.

Imagine what it must be like to be a young man. All you want is to find that special girl to fall in love with, to marry and to start a family with, but even though you are a nice guy and have always tried to be a good person, every girl you meet assumes the worst of you. You want to fall in love, but you become more and more jaded as every relationship you have is with someone who is shallow, selfish, materialistic and narcissistic.

Imagine what it must be like to be a young man. You enlisted in the military. You did your duty to your country and served with honor. You watched those with whom you served, men you'd come to view as brothers, return home in coffins and sometimes you can't sleep at night because the things you bury away during the day come back to haunt you in your sleep. For your efforts, you have health problems that nobody cares about and hear that whatever happened to you and your brothers was your own fault....because you're men and, afterall, it's violent men who are the ones who start the wars.

Imagine what it must be like to be a man. You've given up on marriage, now that you're older, even if you found someone you wanted to spend your life with, you don't dare. You realize that the family court system is stacked against you and should your marriage not work out, you'll risk losing everything. You've given up on your dream of family and children because you don't want your son to ever go through what you went through. You're not a coward, but you've decided to fore go the joys of fatherhood because you think it will be easier never knowing such love than to know it and have it ripped away from you. For your efforts of self-preservation you are called a loser, a perpetual child; there must be something wrong with you, it just isn't normal.......

Or, perhaps, you did find that special someone and you decided it was worth the risk. You got married, you had children. You worked hard to provide the very best for your children. You wanted to spend as much time as possible with your family, but work requirements kept you away from home more than you liked. You told yourself it was o.k., a sacrifice you were willing to make in order to provide for your family. You wanted to give them all the things they told you they wanted and needed.....and then one day, your wife tells you she isn't happy, you work too much, you're always gone, you're not taking care of her emotional needs. All too quickly divorce papers are filed and since, according to the judge, you were not very involved in raising the children, you are relegated to the status of non-custodial parent. You now come home to an empty apartment, no more do you hear cries of 'Daddy' when you walk through the door or get to tuck somebody in at night. You see your kids when your ex-wife allows, when it's convenient for her and as long as you remain in her good graces.

Imagine what it must be like to be a man. You walk down the street, children avoid you and women watch you warily. Although the words are not vocalized, you can see the accusation written clearly in their eyes and on their faces.....rapist, pedophile, abuser. You know that all it takes is an allegation, a few words, and your life can be ruined, simply because you are a man.

Imagine must it be like to be a man.

Personals, pick up artistry, and feminism, oh my!

This is taken from another forum, edited (slightly) but the content remains the same..

Playerdom is a numbers game. For someone who wants success with women, it's good advice to hang around women a lot and keep a solid attitude but not get too phased by the bullshit and game playing. I think one of the crucial points that make a percentage of men here fed up is that men generally tend to be direct and honest about things when Ameriskanks are infamous for being drama princesses and thrive on petty conflicts and ambiguity. It's no surprise that it could bore and annoy someone to the point on not caring; funny how women will place personal ads that state "I'm not into drama and playing games" when they either did it heavily in the past, are in denial, or just liars.

You have to remember that your typical young woman acts pseudo-cynical, yet are pretty gullible to the feedback loop that you just outlined---so many Western women, despite protests to the contrary, are typically sheep and will go after men that other women subconsciously appoint as desirable, whether he's a legit alpha or not. There is some truth to the "fake it 'till you make it" PUA mentality, although a guy will have to enjoy the chase and tactics along the way.

This means a lot of work that I'm sure members here would rather forsake. To me, it's a source of amusement; I take personal ads and women's desires posted on them with grain of salt. I confess there is a bit of a loverboy in me, but as time goes on I choose not to engage that much because it's a great deal of effort for a modicum of payoff.

Again, many here have stopped dating and seeking out AW altogether, but there is a benefit for juggling women when you're dating to seek out which is better for you. If there's no ring on your finger, you're obligated to no one. "Single" women do this all the time. Hell, most women don't care about marriage vows nowdays, but that's another thread (although they they are in love with the wedding day fantasy---yuck!).

It makes you more desirable, believe ir or not, even to women that claim they are monogamous if you are wanted by other women. Plus, it prevents getting stuck on one that will drag things out indefinitely or try to mindfuck you while never making up her own.

That's high school crap you don't need, when you can be seeing someone else. And yeah, while it's not the salient attitude on this forum, I've been honest about a few past exploits with women, including mentioning to C.V. and Al. that I've flirted with women and implied I may have been a male stripper or polyamorous without overtly saying it, and it actually made them more intrigued. Since I'm tall, athletic/muscular, and a bit of a trickster, it would be an approach that might help again if I was more ardent about fucking and chucking. At this juncture, I'm more proud that I'm STD-free and spend my time improving my MMA/TMA game instead.

It says something about the nature of these women in particular, including those who present the facade of being a nice girl that they are attracted to wayward and men who seek out multiple partners. It's not something that the stand up guys here would prefer to do and I certainly respect that. As for myself, since I lost a truckload of respect for AWs it's something I play with---that is IF I feel like it. It's come to the point where I'm generally too busy with other personal and professional garbage to bother.

Which brings me to another foray. I've (admittedly) gotten laid through personal ads in the past, but it's a tough road to walk and no matter how little or many women you attract, you can't expect too much and just use them as another tool. Even with the proliferation of free personal ads and the growing numbers of women using them, there is a MAMMOTH amount of attention whores on them that rarely meet men in person and get a kick of seeing men fall over themselves in cyberspace trying to get them for relationships, for better or ill. If anyone wants to be even remotely serious about meeting a woman for anything from a causal sexual tryst to a LTR, just view is as an avenue and nothing more, one of many. It's only one option.

For example, there are women on certain sites that have been there FOR YEARS and continue to complain about not finding a good man, and simply won't because it would shatter their worldview of the nice guy/bad boy complex they have towards men. They are fixated with it despite decrying men (who use it with a fraction of energy and intent) as losers and asocial creeps. They have something to prove, axes to grind, and are a vicious as any feminist online because they can be. It validates their sense of worth and self-righteousness. They are complete and utter liars when they act as if they want a good man; good men aren't that difficult to find and chances are fairly likely these women have an assortment of problems, including anything from financial, addictions they try to hide, and even mental illness.

Avoid the forums of any personal ad site like the plague even if you're simply looking for hook up for coffee; the anti-male venom is paramount and if you get branded as a misogynist they are nothing short of ruthless---unless you don't care what they think and don't mind being suspended or banned. There are quite a few women there that love to have enemies; never give them a chance for interaction at all.

All of this is, of course, anyone who still bothers to navigate the waters. Obviously, pretty much most of the posters here know my view about Ameriskanks anyway, especially considering I refuse to marry or procreate with any of them, as it stands, for obvious reasons.