Saturday, November 3, 2007

Who's Objectifying Who?

This is another response to a woman I'll call UB from another forum. Since it's in the spirit of the blog, here's more fuel for the fire.
UB: Objectifying men is the new trend.

Well, it's not like that hasn't been going on for ages. The actual new trend is men are increasing becoming the gatekeepers, the cautious sex. Hence the need for women to develop a "seduction plan", as you put it.

Unfortunately, it seems that there's a lot of women that want men to work at "romance" and seduction, and put less effort into it. It's been a while since I had a woman earnestly enter the stages of seduction, whether its to finalize intercourse or not. It's not that there are an absence of women in my life; usually those going after me are single moms (which is a BIG no-no) or drunken party girls that go from A to Z without much fanfare. No one seems creative anymore, or employ alcohol for the purpose of letting go.

It seems to be a lost art on them, or they just don't care about it as much as fulfilling their own needs, perhaps? So many women have complained about being objectified sexually, and yet there are several that have no problems with utilizing their sexual powers in order to use men to obtain their wants. Men, in our current state of existence, cannot do the same thing, unless they are fawned over by hordes of women. Most men basically do not have this power to an Nth degree, and more and more men not only realize that women have this gatekeeper advantage and the possible hypocrisies it might entail. If women were, as UB suggested, objectifying men in this fashion in the inverse---men could use more primal sexual power to their own personal gain. It doesn't work as easily as women's. And when pointing this out, I hear, "oh, that's the way it is, just deal with it."

As far as objectifying men, it's been going on for ages, indeed, LL, but it's of more impact. How many men here have expressed their desire that they don't care about their partner's career as much as they are employed, make concessions about looks as long as they are fit and healthy, and don't mind quirks and foibles as long as these women aren't mentally unstable? A hell of a lot of them. But when women state their standards, it appears as a strict laundry list. True, some men are picky, but then again picky men that hold out for the women of their dreams usually wait a long time, or are damned with the label as being "judgmental" if they refuse to date low income single moms or corrupt female wolves-in-sheeps clothing. Perhaps, there is a truth in how women date men to approve their situation, and men are supposed to date women to, well, approve women's situations again. How men fair in that dynamic is a matter of risk, and often serious.

Personally, I know women that would pick apart the fact men wear generic shoes or drive a used compact auto to work. He has the wrong hair cut or appearance, even if not outrageous, he's just not as hip or attractive. I've pretty much got the physique part down (and I'm not kidding when I say this, but I'm fairly along the lines of what UB is looking for in that department), but as much as she usually is more progressive, it's surprising how many women fall back on traditionalist or sociobiological modes of being when it suits them, and feminist basics when it comes to next aspect (hence the phrase equality when the paychecks are distributed, but chivalry when the bills roll in).

This is where her argument isn't complete and only applies to women with her particular brands of viewpoint---a more of tat for it relationship holds more merit to myself (like her), but in the process of objectifying men, women will often resort to hypergamy and cognitive dissonance to rationalize and iron out any personal inequalities men face. If women were objectifying men directly, there would be far less confusion and everyone would know where they stand, even if stranded by the wayside. For example, if I was garnering attention from women, superficially speaking, equivalent to myself, she would be in great shape, have a interest in many subjects, frugal with money, no children, roughly my age, above-average in being proactive in her life, with no serous mental or physical ailments. This isn't happening, and more than myself are experiencing this.

Generally speaking, in a UB world where the sexes played fair and sex would not be used in deceptive matters or as a bargaining chip (and withdrawal of affection) a true exchange would not be perfect. But far better than the sins of omission or hollow promises that people commit in order to gain the upper hand.

A "wallet" is not a man, nor are we walking ATM machines. Curious how women view men as men, before human beings.

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