Sunday, May 25, 2008

Don't Date Single Moms. Ever.

I'm going with Tom Leykis on this one.

For most single men, there are a volume of dating problems facing us if we decided to actually bother to date American women at all. Which over the years, considering the sexual, social, personal, and even legal minefield, it's understandable if men grow cynical about dating. It sucks.

I realize that I'm emulating a lot of what MGTOWers have already covered ground with considering single moms, but after only one LTR I learned my lesson. Never again. It's been over five years. Thankfully.

Some men never seem to grasp that it's not in their best interest---but since our current feminized culture doesn't particularly care what is it men's best interests, many men have been instilled with the idea they are not useful unless they are pandering to women's whims---which is patently false, but it's one of the more damaging lies that men are exposed to.

Barring accident or horrendous disease---widowers---or single moms that are that way because of some other rare occurence, it's usually the result of piss poor decision making. It could be sexual licentiousness, seeking out bad boys to tame, trying to get pregnant to "have something to love" because of the lack of affection in their lives . . . up to risking pregnancy by not employing contraceptives and being irresponsible.

Of course, that's "sexist" in many of the feminist-minded---expecting women to be sexually responsible as men, but we'll move on for now.

Simply put, most single mothers don't feel bound by men who are playing surrogate father to their children---offspring that they have sired from someone else. There's always a possibility that the father still will be involved, and if the split was amicable or not, that's something to contend with. At brass tacks, you are still a provider, one in which whatever contributions you make isn't valued enough.

Sex? Many men don't receive the affection they'd like, simply because honey is too exhausted from juggling work, kids, and who knows what else. This includes addictions they are nursing after binging. And usually single moms are in financial stress to even dire straits. They bitch about not having enough CS from their ex-spouse or any at all, yet with their own spending habits usually aren't disciplined, always in debt or having nothing to show for it at the end of the month.

Make no mistake about it---if you decide to date a single mom, there are compromises that you are going to make that are far more of a price if you had simply dated someone else that was childless. Whether or not they admit it, single moms view men that date them as a meal ticket and a means to an end to their lifestyle, and when the shit hits the fan, not obligated to you if you are not there for the children (which is often what they state in order to comfort and accommodate themselves with their own whims---it is often a mask for their own selfishness).

The non-biological parent is expendable to the single mom if the kids end up liking you and she ends up hating you. If the kids don't like you or never get attached despite their tolerance of you---you are still not their real father, no matter how bad he was (or how bad SHE paints him, which is fairly common), it still won't last. Most reconstituted families don't go through adversity very well, and at the nadir you if you don't hold up the threads of the relationship, you are shown the door. You will never be completely viewed as an equal partner, but an on-call babysitter.

And if she even claims to have an abusive past---made up or for real---perhaps it's best to move on. You don't want her to make you pay for her ex's sins or replay what she knows as a "loving" relationship.

Avoiding that type of hollow relationship is the best thing you can do. Deep down, despite education and even possible success in the workplace, the lurking fear that they, single moms, are failures at a marriage or haven't made the best of choices for life-altering decisions that have left them embittered and even angry at men. Still don't believe me? Read the amount of barbs single moms have against men---the younger ones are volatile, the older ones take up the mantle of feminist causes---even to the point of fighting tooth and nail that women get screwed over in the mythic pay gap, to arguing that alimony should be a women's right, and not a gift.

And the of the darkest secrets, if that's the word, that single moms use their condition as a rationalization to be selfish about the things they do in daily life. We don't want to talk about. Women don't want others to face it. They don't want to take the time for self-exploration to accept it. "It's all for the children" becomes a sad cover for pettiness, bad money habits, addictions, and control-mongering. They will lash out if you dare state their place their own needs above their kids, but it does actually happen in many cases---look at how many children suffer neglect because of a mother that still wants her cake and eat it, too. And if that's true, how in the world are they going to fulfill yours?

The last word of warning I have is this---if they treat their peers, friends, and pets better than you, why bother in the first place?

72 comments:

MarkyMark said...

SR,

This is yet ANOTHER good post, another piece of powerful, relevant writing that I've come to expect of you; as always, I wasn't disappointed! This is one of your best posts ever...

Even before I unplugged, long before I even THOUGHT about doing so, I had reservations about dating single moms. The biggie was interacting with the kid(s); there are any number of flies kids can throw in the ointment. Another one was the fact that, when push came to shove, you'd always be the 'third wheel', as it were. Finally, I knew that I'd receive the SCRAPS of her time, energy, thought, etc.; her kids would ALWAYS come first-always!

For me, the challenges of dating a childless woman were quite enough; I never even really mastered them! However, when you date a single mom, then all those normal challenges are part of the picture, along with the additional challenges dating a single mom brings-ouch! Since I had a hard time dating childless women, I felt that, on a practical level, I had no BUSINESS dating a single mom...

No, for a long time have I had reservations about dating a single mother. They had nothing to do with the fact that they often choose men poorly; that thought never entered my mind. For me, it was simply a matter of not wanting to take on the EXTRA challenges she brings to the relationship, not when 'normal' relationships were hard enough for me to master. I'm glad I didn't, either. Have a good night...

MarkyMark

Iguana said...

Oh yeah! I've been down that path of dating single mom. It was the biggest disaster of my life.

And, when I make a mistake, I seem to go all out. This was a twice divorced wack-job, a son from each of the previous husbands. She was hot and a wild ride in bed, which of course blinded me to the reality of how truly messed up she was. I even went so far as to buy a house with her. And I made an effort with her two boys and got along great with them.

The first thing I ignored as that she claimed her previous two husbands had abused her. Like you say, that is a bad, bad sign. The least of the bad would be if she makes bad choices in men. It's much more likely that either (1) she has an ingrained victimhood complex she has learned since childhood (and reinforced by today's contemporary feminist hegemony of victimhood seen in the media and in the law) or (2) she is actually a socio-path or has some major personality disorder which caused the previous guy(s) to be assholes. Or both!

In my case, it was both, and then some! When I caught her cheating on me, it was painful to get out of the financial entanglement and to say goodbye to her kids. I mean, that was all extremely hard - harder than divorce because there were not laws to help define a course.

Never again! I'll stick to women that have clean records. No kids. No victimhood complex. No personality disorders. No gold-diggers. No feminists. No Hillary supporters.

All you guys out there: Unless you've been through it, you have no friggin' idea how bad it can get with these messed up women. Stay away from them!

Anonymous said...

I only ever once dated a single mother - had a 7 year old son,and claimed to be divorced.

As with your own experience, all she ever did was complain about not getting enough C/S - even though she had a well-paid job. Also claimed to have been raped. Didn't take her long to launch into full-flight nag mode either. Then I learned she had never been married at all.

After about 4 months I just had enough and walked. She was the very last woman I dated, and though not responsible for my decision to stop dating altogether, she was the perfect catalyst.

In a sense, she was the best thing that happened to me. Until then, I had dated only single women, and I just wasn't aware how much they were on best behaviour. The single mother cut straight to the chase and took on the typical ungracious, take-all-for-granted, everything-is-your-fault attitude.

I was cured for life.


Rob Case

Anonymous said...

Been there and got the scars. One minute it's, "You're a wonderful man and you're gonna be a great step-father" and the next minute it's, "He's trying really hard and we're going to try and make it work. Goodbye." It's a morale and a ball breaker and it's just not worth the risk.

Anonymous said...

beentheredonethat:

Thanks for posting guys,I was in a 12 month dating relationship with a single mom of a 2 yr.old girl.
Started out good only to lead into
a hellish nightmare I'll never forget.

Please hear my words, Don't date
psycho-freaks with bi-polar disorder,it didn't show up at first, but, as time went on,it was very apparent, I did miss the child for a long time.

Never again!!

Anonymous said...

The same thing happened to me! The woman I had been dating was a co-worker of mine. I don't know what the hell I was thinking!!! My relationship with her was great; for a while. She has 3 daughters; two of them are grown and the other one was about to graduate from high school. I was introduced to them and her mother and everything was fine, until the ex-boyfriend showed up. She had told me he abused her and she had left him alone; problem was he didn't leave her alone. Everytime I paid her a visit, he stuck his nose in it. He shows up there while I'm there and wanted to confront me. This ashy, no-good, woman-beating piece of shit didn't like the fact that I was doing the woman he thought was still his. Next thing I know, I could no longer go to visit her, she starts losing her damn mind, and I almost get fired from my job. I wanted to rip his ass apart, but decided it wasn't worth getting locked up for trying to defend an abused woman. All of a sudden, she starts listening to her so-called "friends" and ignoring me. This was the same woman who told me she wanted to get married one day. I would rather get snakebitten than get tied up with another one of these crazy bitches. For those of you out there thinking about dating single moms, it's not worth the trouble!!!

Anonymous said...

Good advice, but what about when the woman isn't and never was a psycho? I nearly dated a young lady with a couple kids, and a stable 10+ year marriage until the husband (a military man) came home from Iraq and walked out on them, claiming he was no longer worthy of having happiness in life. This wasn't the wife's doing, nor was it her personality. What about in situations like that?

To be honest, I decided against on the basis that I have never really been in a "serious" LTR with a single woman, much less having to take on the role of boyfriend/surrogate husband/actual husband/surrogate dad all in one go. It terrified me to be honest, but it was me that was scared I would fail, not that she would turn into some lunatic.

Doug said...

Wow! I had been searching for people who had the same experiences for some time now, glad I found this site. I had dated a single mom of a now 3 and a half your old boy for a little over a year. I met her in Dec of 2008, the kid was 2, and everyone hit it off. She was absolutely gorgeous, which probably influenced my decision to stay with her greatly. Sex was great, though lacking in the beginning. Early on I had trouble dealing with her and her retarded, dumbass, convicted felon, crack smoking, thug-wannabe ex. She had a baby with him while they both used to do coke I would find out. She stopped when she found out she was pregnant, but he was abusive and eventually she broke it off with him. He still lived 2 miles down the road and early on in our relationship she'd go over there and celebrate holidays with his family because the grandparents always watched the kid. Well stupid me got an apartment with her in May of 2009. Things only got worse and worse after that. Her annoying kid would never be quiet, always cried and whined, and if I offerred any advice (usually for her to ignore it), she'd throw a fit. She always considered me second. Never will I be second to anyone again! The kid would cry every time she put him to bed and she'd get out of bed and tend to him. Could never let him "cry it out" or just ignore the kid's constant whining behavior. The kid is scared of his own shadow and very traumatized from her former relationship involving the father, he saw her get hit. Last thing I want to do is raise him and later discover hes an axe murderer! I ended up having to pay most of the bills due to her lack of income, shes well into thousands of dollars in debt, and she still talks to the ex on the phone. The kid cries for "Daddy" every night, and she calls the father and lets the kid talk to him. We had an argument the other day where she blurted out how her and her kid's life were perfect before I entered, I finally said I'm physically sick of this relationship and I'm done. The kid is greatly disturbed psychologically and I'm not going to put 100% of my time into raising him to find out he wants to live with his dad or take his dad's side when he turns into a snotty teenager. I guess I learned my lesson the hardway, but I took a lot from it. Never dating a single mom again! Can't stand her anymore, or her bratty kid!

Iguana said...

Doug - GET OUT !!

Protect yourself, because she may claim that you were in a meretricious relationship (e.g., you owe her money).

Whatever heart ache you feel over leaving this psycho will go away soon enough. Just hang in there, get out of there, let yourself heal, and then apply the lesson you learned to the future. You'll find another woman and, because you learned your lesson, you will not make the same mistake twice.

Good job recognizing that you do not need this situation and should not be in it!

Anonymous said...

WOW, it's pretty hard to put everything I would like to express into words, but I'll try to express some of my thoughts.
1.) Painting all single mothers as gold-diggers, psychos, and manipulative is ridiculous.
2.) I do agree with the fact that it probably would be easier to date a woman without children, but you can't always help who you are attracted to.
3.) There are a lot of childless women in the world who are absolutely nuts, and all mothers were single women at one point.
4.) The most modern form of feminism is crap. I love the comment about avoiding Hilary supporters, because it seems like some of the other comments and the blog itself put down the idea of a man taking on a traditional role (this seems hypocritical to me).
I have a lot more to say, being a single mother myself, but I have a jerk of my own to take care of who isn't paying me any CS, finishing college (he started college 1.5 years before me and I am a year ahead of him at this point), kissing my butt, or being a good enough 'baby-daddy'. ;)

Sociopathic Revelation said...

Dear single mom;

I posted your comment because I found that (although) it wasn't as hostile as some of the other comments I ignored, I did want to say a few things.

1) I don't care if you believe it or not, but many of the lot of single mothers ARE looking for a mealticket, have issues, and do mask some of their intentions on men, especially men that normally won't date them.

2) I may find some single moms physically attractive, and so do other men, but it doesn't mean we wish to raise someone else's children. Most men don't---they either want to raise kids that are with their DNA or not at all.

3) A few childness women have their own issues---I have met two that had daddy ones (neglect), but to color all childless by choice women as nuts isn't correct.

4) I have barbs against both traditionalist and "liberal" perspectives---in short, because they ultimately expect men to be chivalrous and despite coming down on men with a cultural hammer. Both share this in common and expect men to pay for things---literally and figuratively---in the end and give more license and wide berths for women.

5) The fact that you employ "I have a jerk of my own to take care of" does say something about your situation that is typically; why did you bother with him in the first place? And why should I care? (Which I really don't, however).

George said...

Hi all -

I hate to sound "big-headed," but I believe I can top just about all of the stories in this thread - I have tried to date three single moms this year, and was shot down by all three!

In the first instance, the woman's own daughter tried to set us up. Not only would the woman not go out with me, she even asked to borrow money off of me! Apparently, she saw me as a human ATM machine whose sole purpose in life was to supply her with money.

In the second case, the woman herself told me that she "is not a people person." She complained about how it is going to be difficult for her eldest son to be accepted at a four-year college and how she could not obtain financial aid to further her own schooling. These are both problems I can fix through well-placed friends of mine, but apparently, returning my phone call was the greater of the two evils.

The third case involves a woman who is about to lose her house and is raising two sons on her own. She needs another job at night, a problem that I can solve, but apparently accepting a peck from me is far more disturbing that homelessness.

Am I good around kids? I teach school for a living! I have a clean record, I'm an honorably-discharged veteran, I just reached the top of our pay scale ($94,209), I'm about to receive my Ph.D., I'm very active in our community (that's how I gained the connections to solve various "problems"), and I'm not fat or an ogre (or so I'm told).

What does all of this tell us? Perhaps some of these individuals are so used to gaining sympathy by complaining about their problems that they no longer look for solutions.

Anonymous said...

I dated a single mother for about three months. We slept in the same bed, but only had full penetrative sex on one measly occasion. When I did stay at her place, I would turn up on a Friday evening after work, and have to leave on Saturday morning before her kids were brought back (they were at their fathers. Yes, she had two kids from different fathers).

I did have strong feelings for her, especially early on, but I feel that she needlessly pushed me away on account of her children. It's made me think twice about ever getting involved with a single mother again.

Anonymous said...

My lord, I went through this as well. Problem is that single moms are single moms because they scared their ex away. They treat their kids like delicate statues, spoil them rotten, and yes...you are just a guest. I got the keys to her house like a live in boyfriend. She told her family everything, which meant no privacy. When one of her kids mouthed off at me, I scolded the little brat and told her to never ever do it again, and told her mom that I wasnt going to deal with this and fix the problem. I was im full control of the situation. Guys...there is nothing wrong with going out with single moms, you just have to be a good listener and determine if it needs to be ended early. I terminated the relationship when she got mouthy at me. It got old...so I started an argument and promptly ended it. Like I said "be a good listener"..when you start catching her in lies and she complains about the 3200.00 she is getting for support....then throw the ex hubbie's housekeys back at her....oh yeah....before I peeled off in my semi, I dumped a cold pitcher of water on her while she was in the shower...and told her to chill out....then I left. (It was priceless)...so long you liberal, feminazi, nickelback loving loving low life..get a job

Anonymous said...

I am currently in a "relationship" with a single mother. I had dated her when I knew my marriage was ending and then now, because I remembered her to be kind and good looking. After getting in touch with her and starting to date her. I was told things that I should have been more cognizent of. In one of her emails, as she insisted this time we communicate before we meet, she said she wasn't good at finances. I don't know what I thought, but I allowed the comment to slip through my mind. Now, after being in a relationship with her for approximately 2 months, I have found that she is horrible with money (to the tune of me giving her almost 500 dollars due to various utilities that were in the throes of getting shut off) and finding out she is about as sensitive as a wet noodle (i'm very sensitive and looking for a partner as such) Her kid is not a bad kid, more like her mother is extremely irresponsible. The thing is she is very sweet when we text and then when we get together it's liking trying to talk to paint drying. I keep on telling myself that I should end it but I think because i recently went through a bad divorce that I am just afraid to end it and feel emotion, as my emotions are on overload. Another few tidbits; she is horrible in bed, one position, no creativity and she has a 9 month degree and makes ten dollars an hour. I, on the other hand, have a Master's Degree and Make around 40,000 annually. I'm glad I found this site as I need to process I think more than anything. I would appreciate some feedback though.

Anonymous said...

I am currently in a "relationship" with a single mother. I had dated her when I knew my marriage was ending and then now, because I remembered her to be kind and good looking. After getting in touch with her and starting to date her. I was told things that I should have been more cognizent of. In one of her emails, as she insisted this time we communicate before we meet, she said she wasn't good at finances. I don't know what I thought, but I allowed the comment to slip through my mind. Now, after being in a relationship with her for approximately 2 months, I have found that she is horrible with money (to the tune of me giving her almost 500 dollars due to various utilities that were in the throes of getting shut off) and finding out she is about as sensitive as a wet noodle (i'm very sensitive and looking for a partner as such) Her kid is not a bad kid, more like her mother is extremely irresponsible. The thing is she is very sweet when we text and then when we get together it's liking trying to talk to paint drying. I keep on telling myself that I should end it but I think because i recently went through a bad divorce that I am just afraid to end it and feel emotion, as my emotions are on overload. Another few tidbits; she is horrible in bed, one position, no creativity and she has a 9 month degree and makes ten dollars an hour. I, on the other hand, have a Master's Degree and Make around 40,000 annually. I'm glad I found this site as I need to process I think more than anything. I would appreciate some feedback though.

Sociopathic Revelation said...

Since you've went through a bad divorce, I think that Single Mom is giving you some kind of attention/affection that is making up for the divorce you went through. It's not always easy on men and can be crippling in a number of ways.

I'm not telling what to do, but if you are seeing her to compensate for what happened may not be a wise decision. You want someone is ready to see you as a priority figure and not a sounding board or a meal ticket. And remember that no matter how much you care about her, her child (on HER wants) come first in the time of crisis. That's when the real character of Single Mom will manifest, good or bad. If you want to take that venture, considering the risk, good luck.

Being sensitive man, you know and I know that you need someone that is NEITHER neurotic and reactionary OR stone cold. You need someone who has her head screwed on straight most of the time and be understanding. Yeah, they are the minority of women, but that's what you should seek out.

Anonymous said...

The doctrine of meretricious relationships as it is called in Washington is a new angle for women to get your money, property and assets from unwitting men. It looks like more states are adopting this so not being married may not offer much protection in the future.

Sociopathic Revelation said...

Yeah, I don't want to sound alarmist but that's definitely something to be cautious about even now---as much there are "Heart Balm" legalities palimony will be a bigger issue when more men get cold feet about tying the knot as well

Sami said...

I should point out I somehow ended up here while searching for a local gym, go figure, lol.

Please understand in nothing I say am I having a go at you or disrespecting your opinion, I'm simply putting forward my own.

And, in case you hadn't seen this coming ;), I am a single mother and views like these are one of the main reasons why I pulled myself out the dating field. I'm not American though, I'm British, lol.

I've often wondered if part of the "fear" of dating a single mum is the worry that you could receive double heartbreak if the relationship doesn't pan out, in so far as, you've also become attached to the child so you have double the pain when you have to say goodbye.

Since my relationship fell through, I made a few attempts to date and did find this attitude rather common and after a while I just gave up. I willingly pulled myself out the dating field and decided it just wasn't worth the heartache and grief. Honestly, I found it strange that these men felt like they were in direct competition with my son for my affection.

Ok, I'm going to take this on the road of, say I was dating you, just to show you my side of the story and I hope you'll respect my side as I've respected yours.

First of all, if I hadn't cared, I wouldn't have gone on a date with you in the first place. Second of all, isn't it slightly reasonable that I would like you to bond with my child? Third of all, I work myself to the bone working a full time and part time job to support my child and would never ever expect you, the man I have chosen to have in my life to support me or my child in any way. He's my child, he's my responsibility.

The on call babysitter? Why would I be dating you, if not to go out with you? That doesn't make much sense. Surely logic would state that if I'm dating you, it's you I go out with or am I that deluded.

Expendable? No, it's not that you're expendable, not at all and guaranteed if I fell for you, and the relationship fell apart, I would be heartbroken, I think it's more the fact that, I have to think for two people. There should first and foremost be a connection between you and me, before I would even consider introducing you to my child. Second of all, there should be a connection between you and my son, logically, or life would be miserable for you as well, if you didn't have a connection with my child. Now, here's the tricky part and a great fear of mine and one of the greatest actual reasons for taking myself off the dating market. If my relationship with you were to fail and you had bonded with me and my son, it's not just me who feels that loss, it's my son. My child who would quite likely, providing you're a decent, caring human being who genuinely cares for him, have adored you and looked up to you as a "father figure" perhaps not the biological father, but I would maintain as I always have, biology doesn't always make a parent.

Ok having said all that, I see you're focusing very much on the stereotype of single mothers and yes, if this is all you've ever experienced, then it would make sense you would and there is without a doubt one part of your post I completely, emphatically, whole heartedly agree with.

"The last word of warning I have is this---if they treat their peers, friends, and pets better than you, why bother in the first place?"

Absolutely spot on, why would you? You're asking for trouble there. Good advise and I would say the same to anyone.

Anyway, bottom line to all of this, I would suggest maybe not being entirely down on single mums. Be cautious and careful yes, because it is a two package deal and if that's not what you want, then don't go there, because you will have to take the package deal, you can't avoid that. That's just common sense really.

Other than that, your post was an interesting read, I'm off to try find my gym again now, lol. Have a good one :)

Sami

Ed said...

I love the ads on dating sites that say "If you are to love me, you are to love my child too". What a bunch of horseshit. Just because I want to nail you doesn't mean that I want to take your bastard to the park.

Anonymous said...

"I would rather get snakebitten than get tied up with another one of these crazy bitches."

I've had both, and believe me, the snakebite is far less painful.

Anonymous said...

Sigh, so it's blogs like THIS that keep GOOD single moms from finding a partner in life. Let me try to set the record straight because a ton of what you said should only be geared towards some single moms, not all single moms.

Take me for example. I'm a 30 year old single mother with 2 sons. My exhusband walked out on me because he stated that he felt like he wanted to live his life more and experience things he did not get to because we got married young. He is not a part of my childrens lives and we have not heard from him in 8 years.

He left us with nothing. No money, no way to take care of ourselves, we litterally had to build our lives from the ground up. I fought HARD to get myself an education, to get a job, to purchase my own home, to take care of 2 kids and myself. And I did it all without a man. For 8 years I got my life together and stable and finally now I'm at a point where I am ready to date again and find a partner.

To most single mothers finding a partner to share thier life with is NOT about a "meal ticket", it's not about finding a "daddy" and you wont be last in the affection line. Most single mothers that I know, including myself, are responsible, loving and caring and do everything by themselves without depending on a man for NOTHING. We want a man for US, to love US. We spend so much of our lives loving other people, that we want someone for us. We cherish a man for giving us that love, and MAKE TIME for that man. I have never thought about asking a man I dated for money or help or advice on raising my kids. That is crazy for you all to assume all single moms are like that.

There are more GOOD SINGLE MOMS in the world than there are WOMEN WITHOUT CHILDREN. Allow me to explain; A woman who is young, without children and without life experience is far less likely to stay with you when times get hard. They will drop you, and move to a man who isn't having said hard time. Another reason single moms trump women without children is because you KNOW a single mother is strong, independant and responsible. Single moms love a man more deeply because she appriciates that he is there more than a woman without children. When we get a good man we show him how wonderful he is every moment we can! Also single moms know how to be responsible with money, we know how to follow a budget and are wise with our spending. We don't go spend thousands on trendy clothes we will throw away in a month for example.

So don't aim your hatred at all single moms. Aim it at the ones that give single moms a bad name but realize that not ALL of us are like the woman that broke your heart. Some of us are really great women who outshine any woman without kids any day.

angeliaturner1970 said...

sounds to me yall met some bipolar heart freaks that were needy.word of advice date women with their head screwed on tight. you guys should have within a 5 minute conversation with these ladies if they were nuts or not kids or no kids...i'm laughing so hard im crying. next time you guys choose stop looking at her boobs so hard!!!! aunt sis

angeliaturner1970 said...

you guys should have known within 5 minutes of meeting these women what they were about. if you want an intelligent woman then date one. sounds to me you guys didn't realize they were crazy til you slept with them. thats a very short time. growp up stop looking at their boobs and try to focus on their brain.commn sometimes its best to find out what a woman can offer you mentally than physically. gentlemen now it time for you to keep your legs closed and get what you want in a woman...this is aunt sis and i luv u guys! kep it coming!

Sociopathic Revelation said...

at1970;

You make a few incorrect assumptions here---including the fact that singles moms think men like me that avoid them are selfish assholes that are highly judgmental. I could not care less.

As far as "looking at her boobs" denying physical attraction is inane. Men are wired to desire good-looking women and no amount of guilt-inspired tripe will never change that. It's almost feminist-speak you're extolling here.

Telling us to keep our legs closed? Please, that's crass and presumptuous. If you employ the "grow up" remarks again, your time is very short here. The shaming language is not welcome.

Sami said...

Oh boy, I'm gonna get shot for this one. Ok, choosing words very carefully here.
@anon.

First of all, kudos, awesome for you. And I was agreeing with certain point, perhaps not in quite such an impassioned way, more in a yeah fair point, I like to think I'm like that, right up to the point where I read this:

"Allow me to explain; A woman who is young, without children and without life experience is far less likely to stay with you when times get hard. They will drop you, and move to a man who isn't having said hard time. Another reason single moms trump women without children is because you KNOW a single mother is strong, independant and responsible."

You pretty much lost me around this point, because that's really not true. You just basically tore your whole argument apart by turning the tables and redirecting what's said about single mums onto non single mums (that's a phrase right? well it is now)
I'm going to be brutally honest here and say that's completely untrue (ok so maybe not brutally :p)
You're right, there ARE good single mums in the world, I like to think I'm one. BUT there are those of the stereotype and a stereotype is a stereotype for a reason.
There's also some awesome non single mums out there and there's some truly icky, non single mums out there.
Unfortunately the good and awesome ones are harder to find. And yes, there are men in this world who wouldn't mind dating a woman with a child, there's also men who would. That doesn't make them bad people. A man isn't obliged by law to date us single mums and if he'd prefer not to take a package deal then why should he?
Let me ask you a question (I'm in the habit of doing this, you'll have to excuse me, I'm very long winded, LOL.) But no seriously, cause this is a debate I've had before. I'm a single mum too, so obviously I do instantly leap on the defensive "hey now, we're not all evil" So me posing this question is kinda hypocritical cause I've done the list of reasons why I personally am not one of these people, rofl. Moving on.
My question.
Why should a man date you, a woman with kids, rather than a woman without kids? Seriously, why should he? Give me one good reason, aside from the ones you've stated, cause in all honesty, you'll find women like that who don't have kids as well. I know, I've met some. They're currently all hiding under a rock :p No seriously, give me one good reason.
And now I'm gonna end on a, that's not to say no man should date a single mum if he happens to meet an awesome one, ROFL.
Contradictory little bugger ain't I ^_^

Sami

Anonymous said...

This was a great read. While I can't say that my experience dating a single mom was anywhere near as horrible as the stories on this board, I can say that after going through a relationship with a single mother, I would never ever do it again.

Not all single mother's are crazy, greedy or psychotic; but most are selfish, exhibit poor decision making, and ultimately are not worth the effort.

I was dating a beautiful single mother with three amazing kids. She had a good job, and provided for them. In the beginning it was great, we had a lot of fun together, she always made time for me, and regardless of what my family, my friends, and even the internet said, I had convinced myself that we would be different, that we would work.

But after a while, she began to put her walls up, was brief with our conversations, and was never available like before. She always had an excuse, and it wasn't until I told her I was leaving, that she told me that she wasn't ready for a relationship. That she needed time for herself, and that her kids weren't ready.

The ironic thing, is that she did the right thing. While she obviously made poor decisions in her life before, she was now focusing on her children, like she should have done before having a second and third. But in doing so, I was always at a minimum, #4, and at times, #5 or #6 based on what was going on in her life.

Ultimately, dating a childless woman is difficult enough to make it work, why would you want to subject yourself to having to deal with all that, plus the baggage of a child that isn't yours, an ex who will at a minimum dislike you, and a woman who can only give you scraps of her time.

As stated, while the single mom was beautiful, smart, and not crazy, she was still a single mother, who had enough baggage that we couldn't make it work. I was honestly willing to give my all to her, but looking back, it would've been one of the biggest mistakes of my life. All I can say is, never again.

Anonymous said...

These single mothers sound like bitches! Ugh. I'm a mother. Technically, I'm single. Do I HAVE to be called a single mother? Because these women sound like golddiggin whorebags.

My life is pretty cool. Built my career before baby, so i have a great salary, stable job. My daughter is two, and I'm nuts about her. So much so I wouldn't ask some dude Im barely dating to babysit! WTF?

I really want to start dating. For three reasons 1) Sex 2) Affection 3) More Sex

Do blogs like this mean that I wont be able to find a decent man? Look at the descriptions of these women! Ouch!

Let me pose this question another way: Is my personality-type predetermined by the fact that i'm a mother who is not in a relationship with the father of my baby? Does that MAKE ME a different person? Damn! I felt so triumphant and resolute when leaving my ex proclaiming "I. DONT. NEED. THIS. SHIT!" It didnt make me feel like trailer trash. In fact, I got a big raise less than a year after leaving and bought a house for myself and my lovely daughter.

Will nice dudes seriously not date me? And if the answer is "No, if you're as cool as you say you are, men will date you" What's the best way to mention it to a man that I have a child that wont make them run away?

Anonymous said...

These single mothers sound like bitches! Ugh. I'm a mother. Technically, I'm single. Do I HAVE to be called a single mother? Because these women sound like golddiggin whorebags.

My life is pretty cool. Built my career before baby, so i have a great salary, stable job. My daughter is two, and I'm nuts about her. So much so I wouldn't ask some dude Im barely dating to babysit! WTF?

I really want to start dating. For three reasons 1) Sex 2) Affection 3) More Sex

Do blogs like this mean that I wont be able to find a decent man? Look at the descriptions of these women! Ouch!

Let me pose this question another way: Is my personality-type predetermined by the fact that i'm a mother who is not in a relationship with the father of my baby? Does that MAKE ME a different person? Damn! I felt so triumphant and resolute when leaving my ex proclaiming "I. DONT. NEED. THIS. SHIT!" It didnt make me feel like trailer trash. In fact, I got a big raise less than a year after leaving and bought a house for myself and my lovely daughter.

Will nice dudes seriously not date me? And if the answer is "No, if you're as cool as you say you are, men will date you" What's the best way to mention it to a man that I have a child that wont make them run away?

Anonymous said...

I can't believe that there are still some retards out there who would even consider dating single moms. Most guys are born with a decent sense of what is good for them and that gets fine tuned by their experiences. Maybe once a guy makes the mistake of dating a mom, he will soon realize his mistake and stay the fuck away from her loose vagina.

Anonymous said...

What do you do when you're a single dad? It seems that the only women interested in you are single moms. Once a single lady without children finds out you're a single dad, you're not as desirable.

Anonymous said...

I was raised by a single mum and saw firsthand how hard these women work and worry and survive with little or no outside assistance. After dating a number of single women I felt the lure (what a surprise).
She had a beautiful 1 year old boy with whom I had an instant connection, soon he was calling me dad. It was an amazing relationship to begin with, we got married.

Something which was there since day one was this seething anger towards the ex. I sort of just ignored it never suspecting that one day it would be projected at me. Soon the trust evaporated between us and I felt the full scorn of kali. Not been accustomed to taking abuse in such large doses ran. Doing what my father had done and what I'd told myself I'd never do. It was the toughest decision of my life. I still love the kid immensely.

If people can sort out the issues of their past before (or during) a new relationship then it becomes a fair clean slate for both parties. If we are still angry at anyone from the past we bring that garbage into the lives of our 'loved ones' and dish it out vice-versa.

All this comes from an inability to accept personal responsibility for ones choices and actions. if you choose to have sex theres a certain risk of pregnancy. If you fall pregnant you are responsible for the raising of the child. If you got her pregnant then step up to the plate and do your job as a father.

There is so much to be learnt from stepping into an arrangement like this, I feel like the short 3 or so years were like a lifetime. But trust me it's not all nappies and bitching. Some of those moments were the best of my life, the connection you make with her children can be as strong as blood ties. It takes courage to make a choice like this and to pick up the pieces where someone left off. And these women who work to support these kids on their own do also deserve happiness.

Being a single mum shouldn't mean a life reigned to fate, there are men out there who have the willingness to offer what you guys seek. But when you do welcome him into your family make sure it's for the right reasons, not some entrapment. He needs to feel like he's accepted not just by you and the kids but also as a family unit.

Good luck to you all!

Anonymous said...

I think the situations vary, of course. But as an overall premise, a childless man being in a relationship with a single or divorced mother with kid(s) is a bad idea. I'm two years out of my last attempt. The fact is maternal instincts are stronger than instincts to pair-bond. The leaves the man unsatisfied. Hey, if there are men that can pull this off, so be it. But the reality is that, despite how the single mom lures you into her web with sex and gifts, you are ultimately joining HER family. Most men want to start one of their own. If you are reading this you are thinking about whether you should be in a relationship with a single mom. Really think about it and go very slowly. There are plenty of single hot women out there without this extreme baggage. Good luck.

andrew said...

Just don't date any American women especially the white ones their monsters, get a Russian or Asian woman

andrew said...

Just dont date any american women especially the white ones their monsters. Get a Russian or Asian woman

Alpha said...

I've dated single moms and have them as family members. If you want to see a hypocrite in action, just ask them to date a single father. Most reactions are unbelievable! "I'll never date a single father, my kid(s) deserve better," is usually the response. And the ones who date single fathers turn out to be ongoing wars over "whose" kids get the most attention. Seems like a no win dating situation to me which is why I agree with Leykis that you should be married at least 5 years before even entertaining the thought of kids. Even as far as widows go, I would want to know "how" they became one first, then would proceed with caution if I was a single dad. I still would not date them being childless.

Miranda said...

Really? Now we're blogging about how single Moms are horrible beasts to be avoided because we're all gold-digging, psycho whores?

Let me remind you that not a single one of these single Moms climbed on top of herself and got pregnant. Might I also point out, as many have, that the "bipolar, crazy shit" came out later. Perhaps it's not so far to think that maybe some men are capable of such deceit as well. I can't think of a single Mom who willingly created a child with someone who fit the ridiculous description you wrote. So, let's go ahead and toss out the "piss poor decision making".

I fully agree, however, that there are a number of single Moms who prey on naive men for a meal ticket, a way out, what have you. But not all of us are like that.

I am not. I have remained single for 3 years (my son will be 2.5 this week, I have been single since I was 6 weeks pregnant. And yes, the "sperm donor" was completely aware, and was a full participant in the act) for a reason. I will not become involved in a relationship where I could have the remote possibility of being called deceitful and crazy.

I am a full-time nursing student. I work 2 part-time jobs to get by. (I do not get CS, nor do I pursue it. I don't need the headache when I am capable on my own) My family lives an hour away, so support is limited. Though I have found amazing friends here.

When my life is on solid ground, then my dating life can resume. Because really, I don't have time. I'm too busy creating a positive life and environment for my son on my own.

Don't label all single Moms under some broad spectrum based on one negative experience. Just as you don't want to be punished for the actions of another man, we don't want the stigma from another woman's actions. I was cheated on, does that mean all men are cheaters? Absolutely not.

If you're not attracted to single Moms, that's cool. I get it. No hard feelings whatsoever. Before I had my son, I wouldn't have gotten involved with a single parent either. I'm not that far gone that I don't remember what it was like.

As in all dating situations, use caution. Because, believe me, when there are children involved, we certainly will.

Sociopathic Revelation said...

Miranda;

You're making my arguments for me in a global sense. Whether you realize it or not, you chose the man you procreated with and have to also take more than a measure of responsibility. The tossing out of the "piss poor decision" making is inane and is not based on "we" as much as your opinion---I've seen plenty of single moms that had bad judgment in the character of the biological fathers that they had children with, and their lifestyles as well. I'm far from the only one who has seen this, and working where I did for nine years confirmed this and (again) I'm far from the only one. There were women that were drug addicts (including prescription drugs), alcoholism, high debt or completely broke, drifting from one man to another in serial dating, starting fights at bars, "temporary lesbianism", (believe what you will but it happens), and all sorts of misbehavior. You mention not being on CS---most of them expected it and just did NOT spend it on the children but themselves.

But this does apply to many women (not even "Ameriskanks" or single moms); the vast majority seem to want ultimate say-so, when it comes to dating to marriage and family. This is even with women that pretend to state they want men to lead; so many have problems with this on a cognitive dissonance sort of way---even ones who want an egalitarian relationship as a rule. I wanted one when I was younger, I don't know if it is possible for most men, either.

Typically speaking, you make the mistake of what I see with your ilk; you think because you are hardworking and not parasitical that I shouldn't generalize. Let's face it; so many of them have problems from one aspect to another, and no amount of the No True Scotsman Fallacy can cancel out overwhelming observations. I don't base my own experience on this alone; it's what I've read and discussed with countless men and what I've seen online, in person, second-hand, etc.

Don't get me started on how so many children fall behind or even become troubled because of being raised in a single-parent household.

That being said, there are men like me that either want children with our DNA or none at all. There are women that decry us as "selfish" when not only do they realize they are being that way themselves; would you raise another man's child from another woman? You are not obligated to do so, and neither (in the converse with single moms) I am. Period.

One more thing; I may "update" some thoughts about the subject but it has never changed from the crux of it. My blog isn't just about single moms solely and if you read any of the other topics, you would understand that. In fact, there is a blog linked to this one about it that goes further in depth, and I chose not to campaign against it not because I'm a "hater," but it is a non-issue and has nothing to do with my personal life and remain so. Look at the date of that writing; it goes back to 2008.

I have spent too much time here with this, but you used your own projections of your own life onto a subject that is more vast and convoluted that you seem to grasp. SR

Anonymous said...

Good for you! As an experienced single guy without children, I hope you stick to dating single fathers. Same goes for childless women dating men with kids...very, very, bad.

Anonymous said...

I couldn't have written a better post! The unfair part is making her your number one while she makes you her number three, or four, or? ??

Anonymous said...

So date single moms...duh!

Anonymous said...

You might find this interesting. My ex-wife openly stated that she would not raise a child that did not come from her own dna. She couldn't have children of her own so this was her answer to anyone who brought up the adoption alternative.

Anonymous said...

First time ever leaving a comment regarding dating a single mom on the internet. I would be incorrect to call myself a true single mom as I have joint physical custody (40% my share & both dad's and my choice). I had first child at 17 and second by 21 from same father. I am not going to get into story of how I had one so young. The point I am trying to make here is I have had no problems dating and finding someone special. It's like everything in life, play the odds and eventually will find someone special. I own my own business, have two college degrees, and work in the energy field. I am trying to add some positive insight to this post because it can be a downer for some single mothers reading this. However, I will mention that I worked extremely hard and balance my time w/children and a significant other, and those are two reasons why I have been able to find someone (he recognizes that). By the way, I am 34 years old. Have a great day everyone!

Anonymous said...

I dated a single mom for a while and unfortunately I have to agree with your post.
Children are not the problem: despite not having any experience with children before, it wasn't so difficult befriend them.
The real problem is the single mom: gorgeous, smart, funny and wonderful in every aspect but... unbearably SELFISH. She pretended she was doing everything for her children but she was only thinking about herself all of the time. I still like her and I don't hate her, but I will try to stay away if possible for my own sanity.

No bull here said...

Dating a never married single mom. Her middle child blows itz stash on weed, is grossly disrespectful to her and troubled. No way im taking him in! Youngest is self indulgent, also vulgar when it suits her. Mom makes excuses constantly. She's also great in most aspects, but the rub is this: one feels mom is using me to escape the onesided guilt flaming manipulators she created, but in reality, they will continue lacing her with pangs of guilt to get THEIR way! Then they will bash me to twist her into submission. At this point, mom is just feeding me lip service to get onboard. Her real plan is to manuever me into paying for their upkeep. Inlaws as well. Ill be damned if i get suckered into sympathetizing
with this pack of lowlifed hustlers. If their daddies didnt pay up, neither am i..I earned my profession..let them get off their asses.like i did. My folks are sayn RUN!

Iguana said...

I've found one circumstance, and only one, where it makes some sense to sort of "date" a single mom.

I remember Tom Leykis used to say that the best pair of breasts he ever saw were on a 50 year old black woman.

Well, I have spent some time with a 50 year old divorced woman with 3 kids. Somehow, she looks a lot younger and has a knock-out body. Pretty hard to believe she is not 35, and that those kids were not adopted, but I checked her ID.

So, the deal is, she wants more from me, has 3 kids part time at home, etc. But I am not providing a home for another man's kids, under no circumstances. Meanwhile, she is hungry as can be for sex and really very good at it. And, she can't get pregnant. That would be a physical impossibility.

She has figured out that she is just booty call for me. But she is settling right into that role. In fact, she strives to deliver the goods! I guess because she is that horny and of course I treat her respectfully - no need to trash a woman or be harsh. She's trying to keep it going as long as she can.

But I do not let her kids anywhere into the picture. Those kids are her responsibility, not mine. And, of course, while she is oddly young looking for her age, that will not last. So, I'll move on soon to a much younger woman.

Pretty rare circumstance. But, just writing about it here because I never thought I'd never find a situation where it was worth it to sleep with a single mother. Well, seems to me that I have, to fill in some time while I find the next single, childless woman.

Anonymous said...

Men, don't do it. I dated a chic for three and a half years and at the end of the day, I was always second. This woman had one teenage boy, and she was hot. I thought surely one older son won't be too much of a problem. How wrong was I ever. She treated this little punk like he was 7 yo, when in fact he was 17 yo. The kid was a year behind in school and his dad was a looser. Also, as stated earlier, these women make horrible life choices and most are financially unstable like my ex. For example, my ex lived paycheck to paycheck but some how found it wise to take on a $545.00 month car payment. To make matters worse, her idiot son talked her into driving him 10 miles away from home to a run down public high school when his neighborhood high school was around the corner from his home just so he could go to school with his old buddies. When mommy could not make the insane commute, guess who they wanted to participate in the taxiing? Yep, me! These women are selfish and the original sperm donor could not get away from them fast enough. Why on god's earth would you want to be second to some other man's creation? Find you a childless corporate woman with her act together like I did. My new rule, if that woman has a kid still living in the home, I won't date her. I don't care if the kid is 33 yo, I will not date her, no exceptions.

Michael Murphy said...

I wish I would of read this before I dated a single mom. Every single word of this is true at least for young mothers. It would of saved me a lot of pain, frustration and heatache.

Anonymous said...

Best post on here! thanks for putting my thoughts into words! Everybody needs to read this post as many times as you have to fully understand the valuable info:)
Good day!

Anonymous said...

Agreed! @ michael murphey

Anonymous said...

Glad I found this site/blog. Yes, I too have made the mistake and suffered at the hands of the epidemic/cancer to the American Society known as the SM (Single Mother). The ones that are messing up Society are the serial "baby-mamas" who spread their legs open and create bastard children with multiple losers, then turn around and look for suckers (aka a "real man") to come clean up all their garbage.

I have run into single mothers who have two or more men, UNDER THE AGE OF 30! You will be surprised to find out that these women even have the audacity to walk around thinking they are doing you a favor by giving you the time of day! How very sad, and scary. Be warned, and be prepared for the following if you choose to be involved with these Jezebels:

1- To be placed in line as priority number (number of kids+her) + 1.
2- To be used as a punch bag and then suffer whatever misplaced anger she has towards her baby-daddies
3- Take note that the number of baby daddies she has will be directly proportional to the magnitude of her bitchness
4- Even if the baby-daddy or baby-daddies is/are a bunch of losers, deadbeats, etc. you will still not be appreciated by the kids and you will be reminded by the brats that "YOU ARE NOT MY DADDY!"
5- Should there ever be a fall-out, disagreement, debate b/w you and her, it will be them (her and her kids) against you. And you WILL lose.
6- Not only do you have to worry about getting jabs from her crazy ass, you will get jabbed by her kids and then all the baby daddies. You will suffer and constantly be reminded implicitly or explicitly, how disposable you are.
7- You will always be in the in disposable seat. The baby daddies will ALWAYS be in the picture
8- You really want to have a kid/s with this serial baby-mama? Are you serious? You want to be baby-daddy number 3,4...etc? Is this what you saved yourself for, worked so hard for and pictured your family to be growing up? To inherit the leftovers of some other dudes?
9- Be prepared to find out that as much as she dogs out her baby-daddy/ies, there might still be underlying feelings and at any given moment, it could be while she goes over to pick up her kid from the baby-daddy's place, etc., they could rekindle their old sexflames. It happens often and I know baby daddies who boast about still sleeping with their baby-mamas even when they have all "moved on."
10- Be prepared to be a wallet, whether they admit it or not. Her burdens WILL be yours.

Once again, don't say you weren't warned! Stay away from these infestations called Single mothers.

Anonymous said...

I married a single mom. Her boys were 2 and 4. We were married for 10 years. She made her ex hubby out to be a cheat and lie. Wrong. He is a guy. It was 10 years of hell. I respected my vows and tried to stay with her bossy ass and put up with her spoiled kids. Thank God we are divorced. Do not date a single mother. If you are thinking about marrying one go get your head examined

Anonymous said...

I was with a single mom for 3 years. she was sweet, financially responsible, and never pressured me on being the father of her kid. i should have seen the red flag when she told me we would only have anal sex after marriage.

she is also an illegal alien, and asked me when we would get married because she would like to visit her mother she had not seen in 8 years.

one day she left her facebook page signed on, and i checked her messages. caught her talking to a guy from her home country for over 3 years. one message said how much she wants him, and how she wishes to be with him. another described an erotic dream she had of him, and she woke up all wet. another message said she would be able to visit her country soon (as i told her i would marry her and she would get papers)

i felt so used, here i was raising her kid, marrying her so she could see her mom, and shes making plans to meet up with this guy after she gets her papers.

so i used her as well, stayed with her for sex while looking around, and as soon as i found myself an younger, childless beautiful woman, i broke up with the single mom.

then she tried blaming on me, saying i wasnt giving her enough attention and she had to look elsewhere. how selfish, there i was being a provider for you and your kid, and still i wasnt giving her enough?

no i feel bad for the kid, but everytime i feel remorse i just look at the copies of the messages and reassure i did the right thing.

like everyone else here said, there is always a hidden motive as to why these women want to get married so desperatly.

oh and she tried playing the my kid love you and will be hurt so much card. she can go to that dude she was talking to now, and her kid is not my mstake.

i feel so relieved now.

andrew said...

Hey good job man using the chick for sex, then dumping her for something better when the time is right. Im proud of you dude rock on!! Its time men stand up quit letting these monsters take advantage of us.

Anonymous said...

Honestly, I'm about to get off online dating for this very reason. Finding a single childless woman on some dating sites is like finding a unicorn.

Anonymous said...

Thanks so much for this blog, I won't go into detail but dating single Moms is not worth the drama, especially if she has older sons. I got threatened by her sons that bikers and whatever would show up at my door if i talked to her again. Whatever, told them sorry all it was was a minor tiff that normal couples have and get over. It was a wake up call nonetheless, and not something I want to go through a again. Not that it was going that great, but as was said previously, its hard enough to date single childless women in this day and age, when you take into consideration women who also have kids, its damn near impossible to work out everything.

Men, don't get involved with single Mothers, I dont get if the father is out of the picture or dead, seriously its not worth the drama. You are better off single and sexless, as sad and depressing as that sounds.

Anonymous said...

Damn straight. watch out for the ones with daddy issues who go for older men too. they often have borderline issues.

LD said...

I have had two disaterous relationships with Single mothers in the past 5 years. The first..drop dead gorgeous & sexy...was a total manipulator. Sucked me in..literally, with sex and threw compliments at me that made me feel like the King of Siam. Once her son, then a very polite young man of 15 (but a serious mam's boy), became more involved, things changed. I had a sense that a subtle wave of subtrafuge was taking place, but couldn't put my finger on it. She assured me that,"I was probably just a little paranoid because I had just come out of a bad miarrage." To make a long story short..she projected onto me her single-mother-guilt, and me being a sucker played right into it. This relationship, which lasted three years, was a harsh lesson in life. She was interested in me because I was well educated, goodlooking, and could hook her kid up. They constnatly out manuevered me in my own freaking house. Her son, by the time he was 16, had more physical space in my own home than I did. Its obvious her desire to be with me had nothing to do with me, but with me serving her agenda for her & junior. BY the time I finally asked them to leave, I realized that her son had been polite to my face, but not so much behind my back. I kept my promise and got him into college, but hate her for taking advantage of me. I view her son as nothing more than a mama's boy -bi-product of her narcissism.

mY second one has equally a nightmare. When I mt this woman I voiced my fears to her about dating single mothers. She completely reassured me that she would not play games with me, but ended up playing them by cramming them down my throat every two minutes (including when we were even having sex). I realize in retrospect that for her sex was nothing more than a manipulation.WHen her kids were openly disrespectful to me, she did nothing, and I informed her that I had no immediate plans to move in with her, her tune changed. She got drunk one night and started telling me that I was no match for her dildo and other nice comments. I called it quits

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Anonymous said...

Don't ever date single mothers.

I live in southern California
I have dated 3 single mothers. I am currently dating the 3rd one as we speak. I met her at work last year. Ironically all 3 of them have 1 4 year old daughter. I never learn. What I fucking hate about single moms is that they Fucking put all there attention to their fucking kids. We are always number 2. The truth is I don't like her daughter. I never will. It is extremely difficult to love some other mans kid. I currently hate her stupid kid and sometimes wish the kid the worst. I also hate the fact that her father has to be part of my life. Her mother is always texting the fucking father. This makes me almost shit my pants. I hate the fact that they have to keep constant communication with her stupid Ex. And she wants me to move in with her. That's what they fucking want. someone to take care of her and her Fuking kid. WALK AWAY GUYS. THE MOMENT THEY SAY THEY HAVE KIDS, WALK AWAY. I feel like Harming her daughter sometimes. TO ALL THE SINGLE MOTHERS OUT THERE: WE MAKE OUR RULES!!!! YOU FUCKING GIRLS HAVE KIDS, YOU BEG US OK !!!! DON'T FUCKING GIVE US YOUR FUCKING ATTITUDES YOU BTCHES!! YOU ALREADY FUCKED UP IN THE 1ST PLACE BY HAVING A KID AND SPLITTING UP YOU WHHOrES. She is very HOT though. I am currently with her because of the sex. The sex is great. She is tired all the time but I push her fox sex. I love it. She is on the pill and I always cum inside her :) I have never used a condom. She is good in bed. But other than that I am undecided to be with her. The moment I find another girl WITHOUT KIDS, I plan on leaving her. I'm thinking about but I plan to break up with her just the fact that she doesn't do what I ask her to.
WALK AWAY GUYS, WALK AWAY, THEY LIKE TRAPPING MEN. THEY WANT US TO FALL BECAUSE THEY ARE AFRAID TO BE ALONE FOREVER. WALK AWAY NO MATTER HOW HOT SHE IS.

Anonymous said...

Wow, quite the gang-up on single mothers. Unfortunately, there's a lot of truth to what's being said.

I've dated a few single mothers, and always found there was way too much background drama going on for my comfort level. The family structure was often dysfunctional before I arrived and made worse with the "un-checked baggage" remaining from the previous relationship.

Besides, a single mother has already had at least one failed LTR resulting in children, so what makes the next guy think his odds will be any better at making things work. With the way the courts are, that should be enough pause for concern.

To be fair, women say the same thing about men with children. So this isn't an issue about single mothers, so much as it's an issue of anyone wanting to get involved with dating a single parent.

Personally, I would be hesitant about forming a LTR with a single mother unless the woman really had her act together. I know they are out there, but I haven't met one yet.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for the perspectives - sometimes you need to be slapped in the face to see the truth.

Sociopathic Revelation said...

Not a problem. And I'm itching to come back soon enough. SR

Anonymous said...

I view single moms as individuals. I know there are horror stories out there about very dysfunctional issues which I do not doubt. On the other hand, there are single moms who truly are responsible and fair-minded but are simply overwhelmed with a divorce and single-parenthood. I have dated a nice single mom. But the hardest part for me is the reality that the financial costs of raising a child not your own is very huge. This truly is a difficult decision to make. For example, I spent a huge amount of money on my sisters' children for a Christmas vacation recently. That was great because they are my biological relatives -pure family. I don't mind taking the financial "hit" because the family moments are priceless. Plus I am loyal to my sisters. But the cost of raising a child not your own for being with a single mom seems really huge. So I am backpedaling now. I don't feel guilty about it. I really do have feeling for her, but those "feelings" aren't going to deal magically with extreme financial costs of being a stepfather which may go unappreciated in the long run. Plus the extreme proximity of the biological father is highly uncomfortable. My hat is off to guys who are somehow able to navigate through these complexities and successfully have a relationship with a single mom. But I know they are rare and it doesn't feel like I am one of them.

DarthW said...

I've dated several single moms, and I dated my last single mom a couple years ago. Never again.

For all the reasons stated here are typically true. She was attractive, and we had great interpersonal chemistry. Overall, I liked her two kids. I worked with her to be patient about her time, and I felt she worked with me. For a short time I thought maybe she was the one.

However, she wouldn't/couldn't keep her "deadbeat dad who couldn't muster a couple hundred a month child support, didn't work, rarely saw the kids, never showed up for their custody court dates cause he couldn't be bothered" ex-husband at bay. He'd call/text and call her every name in the book, and a day later text that he "loves her and always will", and she'd never remind him of his responsibility, stand up to his name calling, nor push back at his "love". But she sure didn't mind me helping her around the house, paying for meals out and shoes for the kiddos, etc.

Further, she had a lot of debt, was obviously overwhelmed all the time, on Xanax and Vicodin for anxiety and medical issues. Finally, her lack of backbone allowed her drug addicted mother to move in with her "for a month" that turned into a couple years.

Once the grandmom moved in I'd seen enough. I cared about her and the kids, didn't mind the idea of helping with kids not mine, although I have none of my own. Still no matter how I "did the math" I couldn't see where there was any benefit for me in the relationship. All I was getting was more work, more hassles, less money, eventually less sex, probably third or fourth in priority even behind the ex husband. It wasn't going to be enough that I was willing to help her and the kids, but I'd get the privilege of bailing out the addicted mom-in-law and probably have her cheating on me with the ex.

NEVER AGAIN.

I've dated other single moms and there are always several issues that you simply don't have to deal with when your gf is childless. Unlike some guys I'm less concerned about the DNA, but I get tired of women who are weak with their exes when the ex is a piece of crap, using Xanax to handle basic life stress because you can't set boundaries and discipline, expecting responsible me to fix your debt, acting like I'm selfish because I know I deserve to have some of my needs met too, and the list goes on.

For a while I went through a phase where I struggled with the idea that perhaps I was being so selfish. From reading blogs like this, and comments I saw the light a couple years ago that single moms are as - or way more -selfish. They fail to sympathize and see the perspective of their new beau at all.

There may be one, or two, decent single moms out there, but they are few and far and in our divorcilicious culture it is way not worth the risk.

As an aside, I've seen too many vids and blogs from single moms proclaiming how "powerful" they are, as if they have the tigers that are single parenthood by the tail. I have met maybe one single mom who was incredible, otherwise the idea of a "powerful single mom" is a myth they tell themselves. It is not true. 99% of single moms are deep in debt, overwhelmed, anxious, some are addicts, let their ex push them around (but expect you to toe their lines). Stay away. Go for the childless women you meet.

Rahul said...

Excellent post. I refused a single mom...and I was feeling kinda bad about it. But your post made me feel good. She's a nice gal and all, but I don't want to complicate my life that much. For example, even if I did take her out on a fancy date, I would end up paying twice the bill - which would also include her two teenage sons. Needless to say, I also know a guy from my church happily married to a single mom. However, dating a single mother isn't for me.

Anonymous said...

I totally empathize with all you who have gone through the problems of dating a single mom.

While happily married men with single moms do exist, these cases constitute the exception, rather than the norm. The statistics speak for itself - 70% of second marriages in the US never survive. As for the remaining 30%, only a small handful are genuinely happy in their second or more marriage.

My relationship with a single mom with 4 kids and 3 ex-husbands just ended. I was blinded by her beauty and wasn't cognizant of the emotional abuse she was putting me through.

Her initial promise when we first dated - She says receives sufficient alimony and all her kids are cared for. Fast forward 1 year into the relationship and I'm supposed to help her share the expenses of the household. (i.e. I became her meal-ticket)

Then comes the growing list of expectations. Fair enough. I man up, start putting her needs before my own needs; and, solidly fulfill every single one of her expectations of me. Some of which include - spending enough time with her, spending enough time with her children, helping with the expenses, responding quickly to her household emergencies, keeping the romance alive ... all this sound familiar? The bar gets raised higher over time, but not being one who gives up so easily, I worked very very hard for almost 1.5 years to meet her needs as well as that of her children. At the end, she drops the bomb on me and says "If you were really the man for me, all this would come naturally to you and it wouldn't require effort on your part". WTF?

What I didn't understand was how she would say I'll be a great parent and husband and am part of her family (usually when she wanted or needed me around). Then, when she gets angry during a Sunday outing, she would gather her kids, "Come girls, let's go", tell them to ignore me, then take a cab back home with her children, leaving me standing in shock all alone at the mall. "Family" indeed.

Let's not forget the hyper-sensitivity. She is always defensive and cannot listen to constructive criticism or reason. Always one to go by feelings and emotion. I felt I was constantly walking on egg shells around her, not knowing when she would explode.

Finally, here comes the worst part in my opinion - she loves playing the "single mom" victim to elicit sympathy and thereby giving her the upper hand to enforce guilt trips on her man for not being the good provider for her and her children, despite getting a healthy alimony of $8,000 per month as well as a reasonably well paid job on top of that.

Oh, did I mention that she's also terrible with managing money and expenses? She left for an overseas business trip for 2 weeks leaving a paltry $200 behind with the domestic help (maid) for her 3 kids whom I had to baby sit. Clearly, she was hoping I would foot the remaining bills for her during those 2 weeks, which I would have gladly done. I only found out about the $200 mid-week during her trip that there was a household emergency and I had to rush to her home to pass the domestic help more money to help with the children's expenses.

When I raised this issue to her (I only wanted to know why she left $200 without being honest with me because I would have helped her out), she gets extremely angry and defensive and starts putting me on a guilt trip by saying she will get her friends (instead of me) to help (which she did) and borrowed money from them until she got back.

Bottom line - When dating a single mom, know that the odds are stacked AGAINST you. While there are happily married single moms into their second or maybe third marriages, at least 70% - 90% of the time it will end in tears and heartache (statistically proven as mentioned above).

Stick to a childless woman who is patient, nurturing, rational (able to discuss problems rather than blow up all the time).

Anonymous said...

Hi if only i had read a blog like this or have had someone who warned me before i got into the most Expensive and Toxic relationship in my life. Yes i started dating a single mom with 2 little girls 4 and 6 yrs old from different dad while she was 23 yrs. at that time i had a full time job and she had par time job so we spent a couple hours together every time we could one day i got off early from work and i thought to myself am going to pick her up from work because i knew she didn't have a car and i went without telling her to my surprise she came out and jump into a car that was waiting for her outside it happened to be her ex. When confronted she told me all kind of excuses, we broke for a few days but continue the relation. I said to her im going to buy you a car so you dnt be asking for a ride to nobody, everything for nothing she sold the car i gave her got the money and flew to her country without consulting me. Fast fwd i paid all the expenses to brought her back her girls included cause she told me she was pregnant of mine. Had the baby i move in her one evening when i came back from work she informed me she is going to a baby shower party and being alone i decided to go out to get some food and to my surprise there she was hugging and kissing with a guy i did not know. So all the time she was a liar drug addict (meth user) very bad with money and cheating on me every time she had the opportunity Full of drama yes! Drama at its best. ah and all the time she blame me for everything that went wrong in her life, and very i mean very violent she broke my nose one time, scratch me, punch me, throw things at me, try to stab me. Bought her a car for the second time only to learn she abandoned the car in another county alleging the car broke down obviously city impounded couple weeks later. She gather and say cmon girls lets go when she gets mad any where. Now we have 2 kids together she continues using meth and squeezed me as much as she can asks me for money every time her mother or her sister needs something. Put me on child support even though i was the most responsible dad, i found out social workers who are another big Snakes team up with her to make this. fought the case all the way up alleging and proving i was very responsible with my kids and i was by their side every day, obviously the case was thrown out immediately by the judge. But i kept thinking how Social Workers can do this to good fathers and they do nothing to Irresponsible fathers who are on the run. And yes my now wife has a great relationship with her 3 exes. Even though she never ever received child support for the 2 girls, on top of that the father of the oldest girl claimed the girl as dependant for incometax purposes for 10 yrs, when i found out about this I almost got diabetes how could she let her ex do this when I was the one at home paying all the bills.She goes to girls night out comes back very drunk and i get to stay home with the kids. She is very Jealous and possesive checks my email, opens my mail, checks every inch of my personal things. After 5 yrs been together I still feel sorry for Her. I do not have large family circles Pls help Who is wrong She or I. my advice is Look for a single lady no matter if she is tall skinny flat or fat and big or very short, but she is Single and certainly have a clean brain desintoxicated mentality.

Anonymous said...

Follo up, I now more than 5 yrs relationship with a single mother. I see that men are in great disadvantage. Women, Social workers, judges, senate, congress and all the way up are against good men. I have noticed
every time a domestic violence call is made Cops come straight to apprehend the men without further investigation. When in reality single mothers are the most Combative fighters. a Hyena like if you tell their kids something when they do wrong, what follows is ither you are not my daddy as a compliment from the kid or a tornado of bad obcsene words from the mother or punches like in my case. Example one day the oldest girl was playing with matches and I scream loud and stop her what did i get from the mother you are not her daddy you do not instruct nothing around here. In the other hand she is very manipulative and jealous she doesn't let me use perfume, she gets mad if i exercise, she gets mad if i watch tv programs that contain bikinis, she gets mad if i comb my hair, she goes and waits for me outside work even though i have my own car. No never date,marry or approach Single mothers with intent of nailing her. They are Psychological damaged very bad. They are dragging monster shadows from the past. My co worker was put in prison because his step daughter told her teacher that he walk into her room at night and supposedly abused her, after all examinations came back Clear and clean the head doctor dictated it was all in her head. Even that he was sent to prison for 6 yrs and a life time record, Men if you are not welcome in the single mom's house dnt try so hard they will screw you and eventually they will get rid of you one way or another. single mothers in America dnt care whats in the Mens best interest. Is better if you satisfy yourself or have to visit massages with happy endings!

Sociopathic Revelation said...

Comments sent through---much apologies to anon and such, and sorry to hear about your experiences. The more we can relate and tell other men, the more men can learn, heal, and also avoid making some dire mistakes. SR

RG said...

What's the difference between a single mother and a single girl with a dog? NOTHING. This comes from experience.